Now, I'm a pretty punny guy. I like to pun things. I like to make things phunny so to speak. Ergo, every time I hear someone say something I firstly see if I can make a pun out of it. Or make phun of him/her as the case may be. Well, ok, I don't ALWAYS do that. But if I'm in the right mood you might find yourself rolling on the floor from pain and agony because of my punishment... wait... so yeah! Here goes....
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Ok, I suppose that's enough. If ya'll want more I'd be perfectly willing to punish you further. Hope you enjoyed it, and maybe laughed a little.