To honor all those hardworking citizens that have spent so many hours working on their inscrutable resume.... This is for you.... (And yes, all of these are real, accept my little notes at the ends of each one... Those um, well, are technically real, cause, their there, but like, I wrote those.... so yeah... ::laughs:: enjoy!)
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook." - I'm sure they will.
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions." - Congratulations!
"Instrumental in ruining an entire Midwest chain operation." - Perhaps he meant running.
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job." - His favorite color paper must be pink...
"Finished eighth in my class of ten." - Sounds like homeschooling!
"Experienced supervisor, defective with both rookies and seasoned professionals." - Effective? Or is he really that bad?
"Please call me after 5:30. I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." - Ahhh.... the beauties of self-employment...
"It's best for employers that I not work with people." - He's the cubicle type
"I’m extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability." - Job hopper!
"I Planned a new corporate facility at $3 million over budget." - ::claps:: Nice work! You should work for the government!
Personal Interests: "Donating blood. 14 gallons so far." - Anyone say.... vampire?
"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984." - Wow, that is one education.